I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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