I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
