When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
