Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
