so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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