i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
