You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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