Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Randomize
