i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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