Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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