he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
