Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
