If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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