We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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