11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
