Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
