oh god the rape fog is back!
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
