How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
