Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
These tits shall not be calmed
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
