he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
