doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
