either way he was missing a nipple.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
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