My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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