guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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