He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
