Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
