i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
