Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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