Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
