so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She's the barista slut.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
