I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
