If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
