your thong is hanging out like whoa
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
