I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
