I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
