I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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