you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
