eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
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