The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
