We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
