I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
