I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
