Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
