I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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