I think scott just propositioned me for sex
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
