if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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