so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
