I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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