Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
