Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
